Some things to make you go "hmmmmmm".......

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section 
was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

And whose cruel idea was it to put an S in the word Lisp?

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman 
around to hear him....Is he still wrong?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice" ?

When you open a bag of cotton balls...are you supposed to remove the one on 
top?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they worried someone will clean 
them?

Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why is there an 'off' indication on a light switch?