She does not:GET PMS   She becomes:HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL 
She does not have:A KILLER BODY   She is:TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE 
She is not:A BAD COOK   She is:MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE 
She is not:A BAD DRIVER   She is:AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED 
She is not:A PERFECT 10   She is:NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR 
She is not:EASY   She is:HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE 
She does not:CUT YOU OFF   She becomes:HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE 
She does not:HATE SPORTS ON TV   She is:ATHLETICALLY BIASED 
She does not have:SEXY LIPS   She is:COLLAGEN DEPENDENT 
She does not get:DRUNK   She is:ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED 
You do not ask her:TO DANCE   You request a:PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE 

She is not:A GOSSIP   She is a:VERBAL TERMINATOR 
She does not:WORK OUT TOO MUCH   She is an:ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER 
She does not have:A GREAT BUTT   She is:GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS 
She is not:HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS   She is:MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED 
She is not:COLD OR FRIGID   She is:THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE 
She does not:WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP   She is:COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED 
She does not have:GREAT CLEAVAGE (A GREAT RACK)   Her breasts 
are:CENTRALLY LOCATED 

She will never:GAIN WEIGHT   She will become:A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER 
She is not:A SCREAMER OR MOANER   She is:VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE 
She does not:SHAVE HER LEGS   She experiences:TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION 
She does not have:A HARD BODY   She is:ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE 
She does not:SUN BATHE   She experiences:SOLAR ENHANCEMENT 
Her breast will never:SAG   They will:LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD 
She does not:SHOP TOO MUCH   She is:OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS 
She does not have:BIG HAIR   She is:OVERLY AEROSOLED 
She does not:SNORE   She is:NASALLY REPETITIVE 
She does not:GET DRUNK   She becomes:VERBALLY DYSLEXIC 
She does not have:BIG HOOTERS   Her:CUPS RUNNETH OVER 
She is not:TOO SKINNY   She is:SKELETALLY PROMINENT