These winning entries from a magazine's "Dilbert Quotes" contest are
actual statements made or written by managers out there:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using
individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winner, sent by Charles Hurst of Sun Microsystems)

"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."

"How long is this 'Beta' guy going to keep testing our stuff?"

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business."

"Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a good
job in training people."

"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it."

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
you know when it's time to tell them."