ACTUAL MEDICAL RECORDS AS DICTATED BY PHYSICIANS

"Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year."

"On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
completely disappeared."

"The patient has been depressed ever since she has been seeing me in 1983."

"Patient was release to the outpatient department without dressing."

"Discharge status:  Alive but without permission."

"The patient refused an autopsy."

"The patient has no past histories of past suicides."

"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."

"The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out 
of gas and crashed."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

"Patient was alert and unresponsive."

"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."